Even if this band offered me zero in rock n’ roll kicks I’d probably still love ’em because their singer’s name is Hot Dog Haines. How great is that? A good nickname is hard to get, and you’d have to do something pretty goddamn swell for people to call you Hot Dog. Either you drive too fast or you eat too much franks and beans. Both are noble pursuits, so Imma salute this dude. And that’s not even the best part. The kickerĀ is that his band is great. They remind me of the mighty Woggles, which is to say they mix up hopped-up garage punk, 50’s greaser rock, crazy-legs boogaloo, puke-bucket blues and whatever else the cool kids were listening to in 1966, but they make it all their own, like they invented all this shit themselves. They released a record in 2015 called Never Learned to Dance and I love it, every last bit of it, especially Farmer John, which is what it mighta sounded like if the New York Dolls started ten years earlier, and Bourgeois Town, which sounds like The Cramps if they bought all their gear from Radio Shack. The whole thing reminds me of that movie where the ping pong-eyed sea monster chases girls in bikinis around. You know the one I mean. Goodtimes and dirt-cheap thrills. Check it out and then beg ’em to come destroy your town.

PS they’re from Portland, Maine. Home of the mashed potato donut!